On reading her livejournal, I was shocked when I read that both of her best or closest friends met particular random people who knew about my past with a close friend and respected mentor Raymond. (Whom I had to cease our friendship with much regret due to the way things are turning out. A friendship cannot last, if you have to betray yourself to hold it.) Singapore is a small world and news travel around really fast. I thought of my actions in my past during my friendship with him and I understood the consequences for some of them.
I would rather leave it as, I've done numerous things which I am not proud of. Hurt people's feelings when there was not a need to and basically betrayed values which I hold today. There was petty fighting with people and made many enemies which was otherwise unnecessary. I can say it ruined my reputation in fencing and could be one of the other contributing factors to people's distaste of me, which I cannot fault them for because it is clear my trespasses which caused it.
The truth however, to this actions were sometimes for a good idea and the rest of the time, for self-serving ambitions. Some of those were genuine concern to help others either in fencing or in their lives. Though those involved would definately speak differently of what has actually transpired and the events that took place. I shall take heart in the truth, knowing that I've not done much of what the rumours detailed that I had. I am, as what I appear to be and I harbour no ill or false intentions in all that I am now.
It was another controversial friendship. Kept more out of sake for honour and the desire not to betray his trust in me. In doing so, I wonder what have I sacrificed for someone, who did not seem to appreciate it and viewed me as inferior all along. Though this sounds harsh, but it is the truth. He taught me fencing and many life skills on interacting with people. Along the way I branched off on my own, having my own perception and way of doing things which to him, was wrong and misguided.
Unfortunately, I have to face up to my own deeds. I stand ready and fear not judgement nor retribution.
I would rather leave it as, I've done numerous things which I am not proud of. Hurt people's feelings when there was not a need to and basically betrayed values which I hold today. There was petty fighting with people and made many enemies which was otherwise unnecessary. I can say it ruined my reputation in fencing and could be one of the other contributing factors to people's distaste of me, which I cannot fault them for because it is clear my trespasses which caused it.
The truth however, to this actions were sometimes for a good idea and the rest of the time, for self-serving ambitions. Some of those were genuine concern to help others either in fencing or in their lives. Though those involved would definately speak differently of what has actually transpired and the events that took place. I shall take heart in the truth, knowing that I've not done much of what the rumours detailed that I had. I am, as what I appear to be and I harbour no ill or false intentions in all that I am now.
It was another controversial friendship. Kept more out of sake for honour and the desire not to betray his trust in me. In doing so, I wonder what have I sacrificed for someone, who did not seem to appreciate it and viewed me as inferior all along. Though this sounds harsh, but it is the truth. He taught me fencing and many life skills on interacting with people. Along the way I branched off on my own, having my own perception and way of doing things which to him, was wrong and misguided.
Unfortunately, I have to face up to my own deeds. I stand ready and fear not judgement nor retribution.
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