A return to innocence.

It has been a long time since I've listen to my favourite songs. In fact, it has been so long that I no longer deem it my favourite song. It becomes something sacred, something I hide away deep inside my mind that I refuse to touch unless I have a purity of mind, body and purpose. That I punish my lack of faith and purity by denying myself 'access' to these songs.

And these songs in turn, hold the keys to the memories which I treasure. The few happy moments I had with Jinin. Many times I have written about her with some vain hope that some how by some miracle or chance she would happen to read those writings and be touched.

However, I know I am not worthy to be with her even my idea of a "relationship" with her becomes more than just a mere friendship. I am not a professional; I am no doctor, no lawyer, no national athlete, no certificate, no money, nothing that signifies that I am an elite.

Now, I sit here, just listening to these songs. There is a desire to write but a lack of words to describe how I feel. It is as if for a moment, I am living in my own world in a far away place, somewhere over a rainbow.

Some things are never meant to be.

It could have been so much more. It had such a perfect setting and start. One is left wondering, if one could have turned back time and set things right? What would I give to live those days again? Or perhaps fantasy of a happy if brief imaginary life with her?

I leave myself with these few quotes before I sleep...

"The bitterest tears shed over graves are for words left unsaid and deeds left undone." - Harriet Beecher Stowe

"Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable." - Sydney J. Harris


This love feel I, that feel no love in this.