In good moral conscience.

I cannot stand and watch the company go down. Maybe I'm being melodramatic, maybe I'm being overtly perfectionist. I just think that one day, all these small problems will slowly pile up and it will become the perfect storm.

I feel sad for my boss because of the state the business is in.

I just feel like sitting down at my work table (at home) and covering my face with my hands because thats how I feel about the business. Its not right for a man to take his pay, while it goes down in 'flames'. Its not right at all.

But what can I do? I don't want to "lead" this company. I don't want to "drive" it forward. This is not my business, this is not my interest but I can't, in good moral conscience remain a bystander. Somehow I feel the business is heading nowhere and I know theres something wrong somewhere, theres a small leak to plug but I do not know where.

Something is just sitting at the heart of the business and undermining it. Maybe its me, maybe I'm undermining it by not giving more. Maybe I haven't put in my personal best.

I'm taking leave, medicals and stuff like I'm some management personnel when I'm just a twenty one year old barely blooded in the business world. Its not that work is stressful. You just want to take a break for a while... and watch the world go by.

And the other thing tearing at my heart, is the "goodness" of my heart. I do not have the capability to provide for those that I care for. Be it gainful "freelancing" employ, or simple joys in life. My back and shoulders have not the strength the hold up the world I want to create for them.

Ironically I'm reading Atlas Shrugged.

I should be sleeping now, 0109 in the morning.

What can one man do, in the face of seemingly overwhelming adversity? I wished I had an answer, I wish all these pain can be borne in simple sweeps of the sword, in simple confrontal duel. Who is the traitorous foe within, whose corruption spreads like a rotten core?